Why is so important for you to know who you are and who you’re not, considering your history of experiences, especially before being diagnosed and understanding your neurological differences? This is the theme of the first chapter in my book. And why is it so important to become skillful with attentive listening and mindful speaking (chapter three in Living Well with ADHD)? Here is an excerpt from Paul Kalanithi’s book, When Breath Becomes Air (Random House, 2016), who answers those questions in three sentences that you should read at least three times to digest it fully:

I had come to see language as an almost supernatural force, existing between people, bringing our brains, shielded in centimeter-thick skulls, into communion. A word meant something only between people, and life’s meaning, its virtue, had something to do with the depth of the relationships we form. It was the relational aspect of humans—i.e., “human relationaliity”—that undergirded meaning.

What a profound and poetic use of language to explain the meaning of language. Paul Kalanithi was a neurosurgeon and writer who died in March of 2015 while working on his book. He was passionately interested in “what makes a virtuous and meaningful life.” I highly recommend When Breath Becomes Air.

I asked Life Coach Casey Dixon (mindfullyadd.com and dixonlifecoaching.com) to answer a question about beginning and sustaining a mindfulness practice. Casey is an expert on simple and effective practices.

TH: What would you suggest as a good way for adults to begin a mindfulness practice that they can sustain?

CD: First, I would suggest people find one practice that they really enjoy, their “go to” practice. I have one, called Mountain Breath, that I can call up anytime and it helps me get into a mindful state immediately. I practiced it as a guided mediation so many times that now I can easily do it on my own. Variety is nice when you are into practicing mindfulness, but having one go-to practice is a great way to start that will last.

Second, I love the “When I …, then I …” approach, which means that you find a really good cue that triggers your mindful practice. One of my clients came up with, “When I see Bob walk past my desk at work, then I will take 3 intentional breaths.” This is a great cue, because Bob walks past her desk several times each day and she can rely on it. Now, when she sees Bob (although he does not know this!), then she practices mindfulness. This works really well, so she was able to expand her cue to trigger other, more involved practices.

Another client had a really hard time finding a cue. I pushed her to think of one thing that happens in her life every day. She came up with, “When I cover the bird cage at night, then I will try Tick Tock.” Tick Tock being her go-to practice. (Note: “Tick Tock” is rocking side-to-side like a pendulum).

It is also helpful to remember that you don’t have to be a mindfulness master in order to benefit. Practicing mindfulness might feel awkward and sometimes you will forget to do it, but if you have a go-to practice and a good cue, you can keep it up or return to it when you are ready.

For more information on other accessible mindfulness practices, check out mindfullyadd.com

Effective communication requires awareness of the speaker when listening and awareness of the listener when speaking. When listening, are you attending to the speaker, or listening to your thoughts instead? Are you formulating your response, or actually listening? To listen mindfully is to be aware of where you are directing your attention, like directing your visual attention to an object you wish to see.

Mindful listening is like meditation. When meditatinng, returning attention to your breath is a way to return from your thoughts to your experience in the present moment. When listening mindfully, the speaker is the object of your attention in the moment. To maintain attention to the speaker is to practice mindfulness in real time. Meditation is simply one form of mental conditioning to counter old habits. Casey Dixon (www.mindfullyadhd.com) illustrates other, very simple ways to practice mindfulness.

Effective communication also requires awareness of the listener when speaking. There are times when you may be entertaining, but not interacting. You might not be self-centered by nature, but when your listener has little opportunity to participate, you are—in effect—being self-centered. You might not notice when a polite listener has lost interest and is wanting to get away from you. Sadly, you might be clueless as to why you have trouble maintaining friends.

Here is the good news: You don’t have to sacrifice your capacity to entertain when learning to interact. You just need to know the difference.